Nice guys finish last…according to nice guys, that is. It’s hard to argue hay semantics when it’s coming straight from the horse’s mouth. But that doesn’t stop us from trying. We women will go out of our way, climb to the top of the tallest building, and shamelessly yell our love for nice dependable guys from the rooftops. But, all the while, we’ll keep one roaming eye on the alley below for any sign of the taboo bad boy sexpot. Much like men, we may control our words, but our lusty loins will betray those words and wave our rebel flag. Despite our persistent delusional denial, men, naughty AND nice, are painfully aware that our words and our actions rarely sync up. We hate admitting that we do, in fact, find the proverbial “bad boy” alluring. But, hey…when it comes to OUR good, bad, and ugly sides…we like to air our good, conceal our bad, and deflect our ugly. So, we’ll keep up the charade and continue begging our chosen bad boy to play nice, while stringing our “nice guy” puppet along at arm’s length. Poor guys…they complain, “I don’t understand women. I have no idea what they want.” Well don’t worry…neither do we! Our minds tell us we want a nice guy, but our bodies are carrying picket signs in retaliation. So the question remains: Do nice guys get the shaft while naughty guys get the girl? Guys say yes. Girls say no. We claim to want a nice guy, but given the choice, we’re dropping our panties for his polar opposite.
So, which is it? Do nice guys finish first…or “come” last?
Studies show that bad boys do, indeed, get more girls and have a larger number of sexual partners. As if we didn’t know. Psychologists say the bad boy is a confident extrovert with high self-esteem, a narcissist displaying impulsive behavior, a sexually open risk-taker with little or no regard for those around him. All traits that have, through time, been evolutionarily successful. Seeing a person one wishes to meet and hook up with is titillating. But the confidence, courage, and indifference to make it happen are handy traits to possess when trying to keep the genes moving, no? Now why would we want to pass down “those genes” to our children? And, why do we find the men who possess them irresistible? This question stumps not only the average Joe, but the experts as well. Scientists say that, logically, women would come to link altruism to sexual selection. “If he’s good, honorable, and trustworthy, he’ll make an excellent provider and parent AND pass the altruistic genes down to our children.” But they’re dumbfounded because women have somehow detoured from that very logical destination and taken a temporary off-ramp to Bad Boy Bangtown. Hmmm, why is that? I’m sorry…did they say “logically?” Wait! Is it “logical” to assume women would be logical? Women aren’t logical beings.
Seriously…is this news? When do women EVER operate on logic? Women operate on emotion…and emotion is a fickle, fickle companion EVER manipulated by hormones! Even the average Joe has this figured out, but the scientists are still scratching their heads. Scratch this…women defy logic. We’re illogically complicated…but well worth the itch. 😉
Researchers agree: one male trait, in particular, is directly correlated to number of sexual partners…agreeableness. The more agreeable he is, the less sexual partners he’s had. The less agreeable, the more sexual partners. And, of course, this trait goes hand in hand with the previously mentioned self-centered traits. But with those socially perceived negative traits come others: confidence, mystery, spontaneity, creativity, independence, excitement, and dominance. Women are biologically attracted to high levels of testosterone. A bad boy is likely to possess much higher levels of testosterone. A high level of testosterone creates a confident go-getter male and communicates one thing to women: a dominant power house. Male dominance makes women weak in the knees and anxious to open them. This is evident even in animals. Males in every animal species struggle to assert dominance. Why? To get the goods, of course. The goods…the girl…the booty. It’s the circle of life. And the more dominant the male, the more bootylicious the goods.
Then again, maybe the secret to her bad boy love affair is dopamine…the feel good hormone commonly referred to as the pleasure chemical. It makes us feel sinfully good…even high, much like cocaine or amphetamines. Our bodies release this “happy” drug into our bloodstream when we feel danger or risk. And the bad boy poses many risks, does he not? Deviation from social norms, danger, taboo, sexual freedom…you know…all the things our mothers warned us about…the same things we secretly daydream about. This is why romance novels are successful. It’s rarely Mr. Nice guy she’s desperately in love with. Where’s the challenge in that? That “bad boy” allows us to explore our inner frisky, R-rated, “bad girl.” The risque behavior releases dopamine. The dopamine makes us feel alive and vivacious. Therein lies the allure. But that’s not all. Scientists speculate the bad boy’s hard package may not be the only thing rubbing off on us. They hypothesize that his confidence may do some rubbing of its own, leaving US feeling more powerful and sexy.
That naughty guy leaves us feeling high, sexy, powerful, AND protected…is it any wonder we can’t get enough?
We like nice guys too. However, there’s a difference between nice guys and lapdog guys. Lapdog guys are overly nice. In the words of Chelsea Handler, “What…a turn off!” The neediness. The dependence. The kissing our metaphorical ass. “I don’t care…what do you want to do? I want what you want. Making you happy makes me happy.” After we’re done gagging on the crap we’ve just be fed, we become skeptical of his “consideration” and wonder if he’s just a no self-esteem wuss shifting responsibility onto us. Confidence is sexy in men AND women. Man up…but don’t be inconsiderate. “If you don’t mind, I’ve been wanting to try this new restaurant.” OR “I’d love to stay in and screw you all night. Is that alright?” 😉
All kidding aside…women want both. We’re initially attracted to a bit of a bad boy persona…the confident, independent, sexually open power player. But in moderation, please. Approach us like a cocky Simon Cowell condescendingly highlighting our flaws, with your nose in the air, your stash of cash leaping from your wallet, and your pants around your ankles…we’ll likely label you an asshole, thank you for the tour of “Uranus” and vow never to return. An edgy bad boy (in moderation) will attract us at first, but it’s the nice (not overly nice) guy who’ll keep us around. We want dominance with a touch of sensitivity. Hard on the outside, but soft and juicy on the inside.
I can hear the frustrated groans of men everywhere. Women want us to be a “nice bad boy?” How the hell do we pull that off? Balance. After all, men want the same from us. The perfect wife must balance being the conservative loving caretaker by day…the sultry sexy whore by night. Not easy, but it can be done. And when it is, it’s pure perfection.
So guys…we want it all. We want the naughty AND the nice. In that order. 🙂
Nimble and naughty wins the race…but slow and sweet secures his place.