Why does the heart break so easily?  We open our heart to our chosen love, one we feel will trust us as equally as we trust him, one who we give our everything without hesitation.   We sail blissfully along in our love boat of perceived perfection, oblivious to the imminent threat of piracy.  Once we’re all snuggled into our bed of security and familiarity, something happens: a breach of trust.  Whether that breach is infidelity, abandonment, abuse, or just lies of such great magnitude they alter our entire relationship–our world has just disappeared from beneath us.  We’ve lost our footing.  We’ve lost our “safe” person. We’ve lost “us.”  Our heart is broken.  Desperation and hopelessness take over, and our world will never be the same again….or so we think.  Can we manage to get over having our heart stomped on?  Do we forgive and try to move past the pain?  Is the relationship worth it?  Can we find the power to trust our transgressor?

We may go the duration of our relationship assuring ourselves that we would never–should never–get over such a breach of trust on the part of our spouse/partner.  And maybe we won’t if, and when, the time comes.  Every relationship is different and is sustainable to different outside threats.  Every individual has a different threshold of pain, tolerance, and forgiveness.  But the fact remains that EVERY relationship is vulnerable to such threats.  And when a breach of trust is upon us, we will each cope with it differently.  The magnitude of the breach may determine the size of the road block we must get around in order to mend the  trust.  Our level of devotion to the relationship will also determine whether we feel it’s worth salvaging.    If our heart is so easily broken, then it’s obvious we are greatly  invested in this person in question.  In order to arrive at a love powerful enough to cause such pain, that love must be worth fighting for, right?  So, what now?  Do we fight for the one we love despite feeling betrayed and forsaken?  Or do we run the other way, wait for time to heal our broken heart, and move on to someone else who may potentially dance a jig on that “healed” heart?

The choice is ours.  Regardless of who we give our heart to, that person has the power to break it into millions of tiny pieces and then spoon feed it to us.  Trust is the glue holding together our very fragile, very vulnerable love.  Once broken, it can take years to repair.   Both parties must work diligently to make that repair.  The person who broke the trust must recommit to the relationship and work overtime to ensure himself trustworthy again.  The betrayed one must work on forgiveness and acceptance that a perfect relationship doesn’t exist-not that a breach of trust is excusable.  But a relationship is work, never ending work.  That work will include keeping the ship on course.  But it will also include fighting a few hurricanes along the way.  No marriage is without problems.  No problem is without solution, and sometimes, solution means forgiveness.  Trust, like pain, will mend with time-if given the opportunity.   Love not worth fighting for never had the power to break our heart in the first place.   Forgiveness and trust come easier to the heart than to the mind.  Allow your heart to trust, to love, to forgive.  Only then can it mend.

Chick Hughes

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”Walter Anderson

One Response to “Trust: Lost and Found”

  • Kay Duvall says:

    Just want to say I have been reading the material you have been writing. It is very deep and interesting. I am so proud of you and I know I do not say it enough. Keep up the good work. You are helping people that you might not realize.

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