Sexual Morphine

As if the big “O” wasn’t big enough, experts are now giving us yet another reason to “get it on.”  Sex as a painkiller?  “O” yeah!  So, our doctor may instruct us to “Take 2 orgasms, and DON’T call me in the morning.”  The insurance industry just wet itself!  Pain – whether headache, cramps, or pain- in- the- ass husband  – has long been a woman’s chosen escape route when it comes to not being in the mood. We’ve all been either on the giving or receiving end of the “Not tonight -  I have a headache” excuse.

Sometimes fabricated…sometimes not.

Either way, the excuse may now be null and void when he finds out sex is actually a pain remedy.  Who knew?  But seriously, who can think about an orgasm while grappling with excruciating pain?  Physical discomfort doesn’t exactly bring out the sexual volunteer in any of us.   Any time we’re in pain, we opt to swallow a few over-the -counter pills, rest, and wait for the pain to subside.  Or we choke down prescription pills and await that blissful state of unconsciousness. . .

Since leaving our caves, we, as humans, have become progressively sensitized to pain…in other words, we don’t exactly have a liberal pain threshold.  Damn civilization!   But maybe our methods of pain relief haven’t been the best ones.  Maybe, we’ve been going at it all wrong…maybe, instead, we should just be “going at it.”

All this time we thought pain was a reason to avoid sex, but instead the opposite is true.  The orgasm is now believed to relieve all physical pain (and sometimes emotional)…from the common headache to arthritis to premenstrual cramps.  In fact, some patients recovering from serious injuries -  and needing morphine for pain -  report that their otherwise steady pain becomes nonexistent during sex.

Is the “old” orgasm the “new” morphine?

During sex, our brains release endorphins, hormones, and oxytocin in response to physiological changes in the body .    The more foreplay that’s involved, the more oxytocin that’s released.  The more oxytocin released, the better sex feels…and the better the orgasm. When our eyes roll back in our head, and we do achieve orgasm, our bodies release an additional surge of oxytocin into the blood.  While this is true for both men and women, women seem to release more.  YES!  Lucky us.  This chemical is responsible for many things including the cuddling and bonding tendencies that follow sex.  But most pertinently, oxytocin, when released during orgasm, causes our bodies to completely relax and feel a sense of euphoria…result:

NO pain!

Any discomfort felt prior to sex is now replaced with the famed “afterglow.”  And all this time, we thought that “afterglow” was thanks to the mind-blowing, wake-your-neighbor sex.   Well, we’d love to take the credit anyway, I suppose…convince ourselves that we’re just “that” good.  We had no idea it was actually thanks to our brains…and that wonderfully magical love potion, oxytocin.  So, it seems that the most erotic sexual receptor IS the brain, rather than our “perfect” bodies we so diligently strive for.   Makes you wonder whether we should be more concerned with brain size…less concerned with cup size?

Pain medications are a multi-billion dollar industry.   We, as a society, are all too eager to pop a pill in the name of comfort.  We can’t even turn on the t.v. without being involuntarily solicited by the latest in pain relievers…whether it’s back pain, PMS relief, allergy relief, or emotional relief (thanks to the ever “on your side” legal profession).  We civilized people just don’t like to suffer.  So obviously, our intolerance for pain fans the flames of the medical market.    We hand over millions of our hard-earned money and place our desperate hopes in the greedy hands of chiropractors, herbal healers, acupuncturists…and so on and so on.  All the while, we’re oblivious to the fact that our physical pain could be alleviated for free without ever leaving our bedroom.  Now that’s customer service!

Could this be one of doctors’ best kept secrets?  After all, this newfound painkiller couldn’t possibly be a plus for the medical profession.  It could, however, redefine prostitution.

If sex is the ultimate painkiller, the pharmaceutical market may be the one feeling the “pain.”  Unless…scientists find a way to bottle the orgasm, or oxytocin…in which case, world domination would be theirs for the taking. 

So, next time you think you’re in too much pain to do the dirty, think again.  It’s possible an orgasm is just what the doctor ordered.  The only down side to this news is that the orgasm is short-lived.  So, the pain relief will be relatively temporary…  depending on how multi-orgasmically talented you are!  However temporary, it’s definitely a fun and intriguing way to relieve pain…not to mention, a good excuse for getting laid more often.  Pain never felt so good.

Happy painkilling!

Chick Hughes

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~ author unknown