Here a chick, there a chick. Everywhere a cheat, cheat? Ok, so maybe not everywhere. But tweet this! Women’s marital plates are now rivaling men’s when it comes to a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side. A daringly sweet dessert to offset the mundanely sour entree, perhaps? “Bone” appetit! Her sweet tooth is her best kept secret…or worst wept regret, once she’s caught. But much like her fidelity-challenged husband, the looming risk of getting caught is not a sufficient deterrence. Nope ~ the bootylicious boost in self esteem, the awakening shudder of the thunder down under, the thrilling drug-like high from being naughty ~ is worth it all. Her “good girl” persona is Gone With the Wind. She’s trading Scarlett O’Hara for the Scarlet letter. “A” for Adventure. And what does an attention-deprived, taken-for-granted, bored-with-herself chirpy chick have to say to her former doormat self?
Despite its long-time, tight-lipped, deliriously denied existence, affairs of the female kind aren’t exactly news. Though lacking the racy reputation of condescendingly conservative male politicians and their holier than thou erections, chick cheaters are and always have been flying just under the radar. They are, however, on the rise and soaring high. Inflation, in political terms. Studies show they become more prevalent with the onset of her mid-life (what life?) crisis. It’s during this mind-bending milestone that she begins to reevaluate herself, her career, and her relationship. And realizes that somehow, she’s not as happy as she’d planned she would be. She’s now had enough and is gutsy enough to stop settling for unhappiness. To test fate. She’s ready to take the bull by the horn…so to speak.
And he’s shocked by her sudden unhappiness and assertive affair. Why? Because rumor has it that women just don’t have affairs. That infidelity is a no-wo-man’s land. That women just aren’t that into sex. However, rumors are notorious for being false. Are they not? And what else is a long-time sex-starved married guy to believe? After all – in his house – a sexual advance ranks right up there with wiping boogers under the table in the “NO! DON’T DO THAT!” hand-spatting transgressions. No sex for you! Rejection has become his reflection. So, naturally, he assumes that if she doesn’t want sex with him, the last thing he has to worry about is her insatiable sexual appetite going elsewhere.
Contrary to popular male folklore, experts say she’s just as interested in sex as he is. Sex with him? Another question entirely. But women ARE interested in sex. We’re sensual beings and need to feel sexy to be sexy. If she’s not happy in her own skin, the last thing she wants is to flaunt the assets she’s so insecure with to someone she fears will criticize them. Whether she knows it or not, she wants sex too. But she needs to FEEL hot to act HOT. So, light a fire under her!
Or she’ll find someone who will.
An affair is risky. Dangerous. It risks her security, her family, her reputation, her life as she knows it. But she craves being craved. So she rolls the dice with the knowledge that this bet could break her. She’s operating on emotion, on a new love high, on her self-esteem’s desperate plea for pleasure – on anything but logic. For a she-devil, scarlet letter wearing cheater, risk rationale is about as relevant as the dangers of a ceiling fan to this guy. It’s fun to reach for the sky. But if the shit hits the fan, it’ll rip her roots to shreds. No pain, no gain…right? The stakes are high, but her spark-starved ego is a gamblin’ girl.
Why do women risk it all and stray?
~ She feels unappreciated, neglected, and lonely ~ She’s taken for granted. This may be the most common reason women stray. The drain of caring for the entire family with little to no return wears her down. She needs to feel special, loved, appreciated, adored, and pampered too. If all she’s getting is “What did you do for me?” and spends her days and nights playing maid – while HER wants and needs become distant strangers in the night – she’ll eventually long to join them. She can only give so much before she wants to break free and live. So when she finds herself on a dead end track to nowhere and someone comes along who makes her feel appreciated, adored, doted on, and alive again…she’ll buy herself a one-way ticket on a Runaway Train.
~ She feels something is missing, is bored with herself, and is looking to her inner bad girl to stir things up ~ She may have the perfect life. Perfect husband, perfect kids, and so on and so on. But she’s still missing something. Someone she used to be…or wants to be. So, she may look for someone who puts her in touch with her missing self. Someone who makes her feel good on a new and forbidden level allowing her to escape the confines of the perfect wife and mother prison cell she’s created. Someone who allows her to explore a world she’s not openly or socially allowed to be a part of.
~ She has low self-esteem ~ Child birth is not the baby-rattling picnic Hollywood has cast it to be. She no longer feels like the firecracker he married. She feels like an out of shape, out of time, out of patience mother. That in no way, shape, or form translates into sex goddess. Her motherly body is plaguing her with insecurities. So when a new hottie makes her feel less like a frumpy mom and more like a still-got-it MILF, she goes back for more. And more. And you guessed it…more.
~ She’s seeking an emotional connection that’s missing with her hubby ~ She needs an emotional connection! Always! She needs him to listen, care, and empathize…not criticize. She wants to be connected on all levels. And if he won’t connect with her, another he will.
~ She wants an insurance policy ~ Scientists say evolution may be to blame. That long ago, she would sleep with another man to ensure a back-up provider for her family in the unlikely event of her sweetie’s deathly demise. A back up key to start her engine, in case the master key goes missing. Also, modern day woman may sense when her husband has checked out emotionally and be lining up an alternate provider before he checks out physically. The eternal planner.
~ She’s looking for an out ~ If she’s miserable in the marriage, she may decide an affair is an easier way to end the relationship. Rather than initiating the split herself and dealing with his attempts to fix the problem. If he leaves her, she’s free to move on …She is woman! Watch her be passive aggressive!
Like men, women want to be adored and appreciated. Affairs are simply an attempt to discreetly fill a void without breaking up the household, crushing her kids, and ditching a spouse. An attempt to meet unmet needs while maintaining the needs of the family. She’s a multi-tasker to the end.
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~Judith Viorst