Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater…had a wife and couldn’t keep her. He must’ve been checking out some other hottie’s melons. Marriage is challenging even in Mother Goose’s land of lollipops and twinkle, twinkle little stars? Cheating is complicated, common, and anything but new. Modern day men cheat on wives. “Good old days” men cheated on wives. As far back as man goes, he’s cheated. And why not? It’s so easy a caveman can do it. I’m sure from time to time, some burly unsuspecting cave woman found her Captain Caveman marinating his meat elsewhere. Poor guy probably got the hell beat out of him with his own club while she grunted Bobbit-ish threats through her voracious not-so-pearly white stalactites making his “little friend” turtle shell into hiding. Will he do it again? Probably. It happened, it happens, and it will always happen. Some are able to take an affair to their grave. Others have the dirty details publicly spread and embellished by our favorite go-to trash magazines. We read about it, gossip about it, pass judgment on it, and think it will NEVER happen to us. But rich, poor, hot, not…no one is immune to the sultry underbelly of cheating. It’s the ominous cloud looming over every happy marriage. If the atmospheric pressure drops just right, that cloudy threat opens up and rains its tears of betrayal all over us. To borrow from Mother Goose once more…
It’s raining. It’s pouring. The old man is scoring. So umbrella up!
Marriage is tough enough on a good day. But after weeks of condescending eye rolling, incessant nagging, petulant arguing, and booty bang-less begging, even the most loyal hubby is susceptible to temptation. Wives wonder why? The answer is usually staring her in the face as she shoots him down with “Not tonight…I’m too tired.” Or disgustingly rolls her eyes at his every advance. Or belittles him making him feel he can do nothing right. Or meets his jokes and stories with utter disinterest. If he’s constantly made to feel unattractive and insecure, he’ll welcome an outsider who refutes it. Who wouldn’t? But sometimes – even with all of his sexual and emotional needs met at home – he may still jump ship to explore another woman’s “dingy.” Damn it! What can I say? It’s the nature of the beast. But more often than not, he won’t take the risk and jump overboard if his ship is “tricked out” with all the bells and whistles. Basic survival 101.
Studies show 60% of men cheat on their wives. And 70% of those wives never have a clue. I question that 70%. Women are very intuitive, but may choose not to know to keep from rocking her own cushy boat. Psychologists say human beings are socially monogamous by nature. That we evolved to bond together for survival reasons. Child-rearing, connection, and safety. It’s nice to know someone has our back when we need to put the smack down on a mouthy child, when we need a shoulder to cry on, or when we need someone to give us a head’s up that some surly saber tooth tiger is about to make a meal out of us and ruin that one-of-a-kind designer fur sack we worked so diligently on. Safety in numbers. They say that although we’re socially monogamous by nature, we’re NOT naturally sexually monogamous. We’ve instituted sexual monogamy to protect our social monogamy. Because sex causes our brains to release the love drug, oxytocin, we know that a little nookie on the side could turn into a home-wrecking pookie at the alter. So to protect that social monogamy needed to survive, we’ve forced sexual monogamy on ourselves. But sticking to that self-imposed expectation tends to “screw” us over sometimes.
So why do men cheat?
~ He feels emotionally disconnected: Men may be sexual creatures, but they’re also emotional…shhh! Don’t tell them that. They need an emotional connection too. Someone to caress them, love them, be there for them, show them affection. Studies show almost half of men’s affairs are rooted in emotional dissatisfaction. However, if the emotional connection is missing, so is the sex. You do the math.
~ He feels under-appreciated: He wants to know he’s appreciated and adored. To be your hero. To know he’s winning when he makes an effort around the house, in the bedroom, with the kids, and with work. If he feels he’s fighting a losing battle, surrendering to an affair (a woman who makes him feel like a hero, a winner, a sex god) will be that much easier. If you’re not willing to do it, trust me…there’s someone just around the corner who is.
~ He craves sexual variety…he craves sex PERIOD: Men want sex. Men want sex. Men want sex. He’s biologically and evolutionarily hardwired to desire and have sex often. Once a month is NOT often. Twice a month is NOT often. So buck up ladies. If he’s not doing you, he’s doing somebody! The relationship is more fulfilling to both parties when everyone’s needs are being met. If he’s happy sexually, you’re happy emotionally. And he’s oh so ready to please…when you’re on your knees. 😉
~ It’s easier than divorce: Divorce is costly, messy, and difficult on the whole family. If he’s unhappy in his marriage, he may deem an affair a less complicated, less disruptive means of satisfaction.
~ He’s seeking a thrill: His needs may be getting met at home, but he’s looking for cheap thrills. Daring to execute forbidden taboos can be a high. Don’t be afraid to turn your bed into a theme park and keep the thrills domestic.
Men are sexual beings, but they’re also emotional beings. They long for the same affection, same touch, same adoration as women. But they also want to get laid…OFTEN. They don’t want to have sex with a lifeless uninterested object. They want you to LOVE it. They love you to WANT it. The more sex you have, the more emotionally connected you are. And the more in love you feel. That’s what he wants. He wants YOU.
He wants you to love him, adore him, need him, want him, lust after him, and screw him! All the time!
ALL the time!
Men are naughty by nature…
Ballsy by biology…
And led by libido.
Love ’em? Hate ’em?
“Love is a game in which one always cheats.” ~ Honore de Balzac