Archive for March, 2011

viavector

French kissing.  Tongue wrestling.  Face sucking.  Lip Locking.  Spit swapping.  Whatever your term selection for tonguing affection,  kissing is the shiznit, no?  An upper persuasion for a lower invasion, as they say.  If romance movies have taught us anything, it’s that a knee weakening, head dizzying, passionate tongue tango is all the erotic prodding a sexy pair of undies needs to head south for a breather.  But on the flip side, experience has taught us that a knee locking, spark-free spit exchange void of palpable passion…

Well, the undies will never know, will they?  😉

We’re all looking for a home run when it comes to sex…but all the bases must be touched to get there.  And, who’s on first? Why, the kiss, of course.  Without the success of a hot sultry kiss, the batter is as likely to get to second base as an inebriated Homer Simpson sporting not-so-tighty whities and shoelaces tied together.  Three strikes be damned!  He’s out!

Kissing is the universal language of love.  A must – or bust!  But why?  In a society obsessed with Germ-X and antibacterial redi wipes, why do we kiss in the first place?  Going to such great lengths to protect our delicate hands from icky germs, but tongue probing the unknown bacterial depths of the infamous dirty mouth?

We have our reasons…however manipulative they may be.

As with everything else relationship, men and women speak a different language when it comes to kissing.  Both have subconscious biologically driven motives for the kiss.  Both use it to get what they want.  And both just down right love it.  It’s the sex before the sex, right?  But that’s where the similarities end.  As usual, men are straight forward.  As his tongue does the persuading, he’s already “pointing” to what he wants.  She, on the other hand, is persuading with her tongue, but keeping what she wants a mystery to him.  Nothing new there, huh?

Our ulterior motives are devilishly different.  And we’ve perfected the kiss as a tool to meet those motives.  One way or another, we’re in it to win it…whether “it” is sex, connection, or long-term bond.  We kiss for a reason.  When first getting to know someone, we have no idea if he/she would make a good sex partner.  We need to test the waters before leaping in.  Evaluate his/her mating potential.  So we let our tongues do the stalking.  😉

We kiss to:

Assess a mate ~  Both sexes kiss to evaluate a mate.  According to experts, the moment our lusty mouths meet, a very complex exchange of information begins to unfold…a sort of titillating tongue talk.  Our saliva and and breath are packed with pheromones and other biochemical signals telling us whether we’re genetically compatible…and give us clues on the health of our possible bed buddy.  We’re literally taste testing the merchandise.  Are they worthy of breeding?  Should we pursue the screw?  Do we rev our engines and step on the gas…or get out of the car altogether.  Without the “spark,” there’s no heat.  And a kiss tells us instantly whether there’s a spark.  We’re biologically driven to perpetuate the species.  So if we’re not genetically compatible, the body knows.  Result:  Kiss OFF!

Monitor the bond ~ This one belongs solely to the ladies.  Once we’ve decided the taste test is a success, we continue to lay it on him in hopes of raising his oxytocin level, which will -in turn – make him bond with us.  We want the bond because we know once we procreate, we need him to stick around and help with child rearing.  Then once we’ve sealed the bond, we further use the kiss to gauge the status of the relationship.  We’re in constant assessment mode, and use the tongue as a love thermometer.  Is he still committed?  Still hot for me?  Losing interest?  Not feeling it anymore?  Does he love me, or love me not?  As Cher put it, It’s in his kiss!

Score some booty ~ Men pucker up for the obvious reasons…sex, sex, and more sex.  Perfectly evolved mating machines, they use the kiss to get her hot and bothered.  To lure her to down ‘n’ dirty town.  The kiss is bait.  Sex…the prize.  Scientists say trace amounts of testosterone are found in his saliva and are passed on via the kiss to get her in the mating mood.  Instinctively he knows that stimulating her very sensitive lips and tongue will also stimulate her lower regions.  He also uses the kiss to help him determine how good the sex will be.  To let him know how receptive she is to mating.  He subconsciously perceives her level of wetness and salivary exchange during the kiss as a representation of her sexual receptivity during actual intercourse.  Is she hot, or not?  Ready, or not?  Research shows that men feel kissing should lead to sex.  Thank god for modern research!  😉  We may never have figured that one out on our own.  A hot lingering wet kiss means one thing to him.  Go ahead.  Lay it on him…he’ll rise to the occasion every time.

It seems the subconscious mind has us kissing for reasons we may or may not be aware of.  We’re cunning little kissers, no?  But aside from the drive to mate and bond, we kiss because we like it.  Because it’s fun.  Because it’s teasingly erotic and Oh so romantic.  And because…

Oh, who are kidding?  We want sex.

But when it comes to the kiss, ponder this.  Are there good kissers and bad kissers?  Or are the ones we perceive as bad simply not genetically compatible with us…therefore a sexual union not beneficial to the propagation of the species?  Are we nothing more than pawns in the game of banging biology?  Or do we make our own lip smacking rules?

Kiss or miss…

Get your tongues in a twist and find out.

Happy tonguing!

Chick Hughes

“A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.” ~Clare Whiting

 

photo by: asifthebes.

He is.  He’s not.  They love him.  They hate him.  It’s too much.  Pretending to be someone he isn’t is tormenting his psyche, imprisoning his spirit, and annihilating his self-esteem.  He knows he’s different.  He’s always known.  Always shouldered the burdensome lie.  But as most burdens do, this one has become too heavy to bear.  His secret too difficult to keep.  He’s a monster.  Apparently.

A gay monster.

Morally corrupt, an evil volcano bound to erupt, disgustingly vile, and doomed to social exile.  Or so says his family, his community, and his country.  On the contrary, he’s no monster.  Just an innocent teenager whose heart has been labeled “evil.”  Who is he to argue with a country full of know-it-all “adults” who blindly submerge themselves in a delusional pool of perfection?  Casting down judgment from the safety of their high horse.  Adults know everything…and nothing.  We’re pros at lying.  Even better at denying.  But as they say, practice makes perfect.

How can a sexual feeling he has no control over deem him unworthy of living?  This feeling…this secret…this thing…he can’t control is controlling him.  But he has no choice.  This secret is one society has forced him to keep.  So he hides.  Hides behind his fear.  Behind their fear.  Behind the mask that grants him acceptance.  And day after day, he looks at his world from behind the mask…meets his mother’s loving gaze…his father’s expectant eyes brimming with hope.  Their eyes…pre-shame.  How would their eyes change?  If he removed the mask?  How would they look at him…WOULD they look at him…if they knew?  Would they hate him?  Stop loving him?  Be ashamed of him?  Throw him away?  What would happen if he dared be…

him?

Supposedly, they know him better than anyone.  Love him more than anyone.  Is that love as unconditional as they claim?  He wonders.  Nevertheless, his dad’s occasional gay slur, his mom’s complete and utter denial of homosexuality, and his peers’ relentless jeering of any soul who dares to be different…all keep his secret tightly sealed behind his otherwise sexually perverse lips.   He fears his coming out will incur a social debt he, and his family, may never pay.  A debt charged by hate.  Never courageous, ever contagious, that hate spreads…and embeds.  Embeds deep into his heart and his subconscious.  He hates himself.  Because he knows what they don’t.  Knows that the hate they will unleash is kept at bay only by his silence.  His denial.  But he’s finding that his silence…his denial…is creating a very private, very hostile world of hate.  A hate all his own.  So, he has a choice to make…his silence, his fear, and their ignorance…OR his courage, his freedom, and possibly, their enlightenment.  Maybe, just maybe, they’ll outgrow their H8.

“Different” is defined as “not identical, not ordinary, unusual.”  Don’t we strive to be unique?  We do.  But we don’t.  We want to stand out in a crowd…yet, we want to blend in with our peers?  Each of us is different, yet the same.  Different in terms of sexual orientation, politics, religion, race, culture, opinion.  The same in terms of humanity, tears, pain, fears.

And hate.

A hater dwells inside each of us.  We hate because we fear.  That which we don’t understand, we fear; therefore, we hate.  It’s self defense.  The human brain has evolved to do whatever it takes to ensure survival.  Only the strong survive, right?  Innately, we know…to survive, we must be dominant.  So, we fake it.  We self promote…puff out our chest, beat it a few times, bare our teeth, scratch our ass, and assert our dominance.  We convince ourselves that we’re better than the others…Our skin color is better.  Our chosen religion is the “only way.”  Our sexual preference is better.  Better is…better, no?  We need to feel superior…lest we fall lower on the food chain of life.  Risk our demise.  When our “place” feels threatened, we become aggressive.  Hate becomes our weapon of choice.  We tell ourselves, “they’re not like me.”   We banish “the others” from our inner circle…from “us.”   That cues our brains to begin devaluing “the others” and justifies bullying, hate crimes, genocide, terrorist attacks, and war.  We stop at nothing to assert our dominance.  To be right.  To feed our need to be right, we surround ourselves with like people.  People who share the same values, opinions, prejudices, hates…as we do.  Because hearing the echo of our own thoughts empowers us…Ahhh, sweet validation.  Validation…and, uh, numbers.  In any war, sheer numbers leads to victory.  United we stand, divided we fall?

We hate out of ignorance…out of self promotion…out of fear.

But what exactly ARE we afraid of?

Religion scares us ~  We convince ourselves that our religion, or lack of, is the only one.  Being wrong on this playing field carries heavy penalties.  The gnashing of teeth, burning in hell, fire and brimstone kind.  We’re right.  We have to be –  if we want to survive death.  😉  So, we condemn other religions as a sort of self-soother.  We’re entangled in a desperate attempt to survive not only this life, but any possible after-life.  Self preservation at its finest.

Race scares us ~  Conquering survival of the fittest means convincing ourselves we’re superior.  Telling ourselves this skin color is better than that.  As long as we feel superior, we’re good.  We don’t feel threatened.  But as soon as our superiority is threatened, hate jumps to our defense…snarling through it’s terrified teeth.

Sexuality scares us ~ Homophobia is no different than any other fear…it’s a protection of one’s ego.  Like bullies in school, we pick on “different” because understanding it could lead to our social death.  And condoning it could threaten our own sexuality…or at least others’ perception of it.  Like teenagers in school, we long to fit in.  We long to fit in because it’s a sure road to survival.

Survival means war.  Or so it would seem.  Not only do we wage war against “different” locally…but being the ambitious go-getters that we are, we take on other countries.  We murder over power, religion, greed…all in an attempt to be dominant.  To survive.  But maybe true survival lies in education, not termination.

After all, ignorance is the root of all fear.  And fear is the root of all hate.

So educate!  Rip fear out by the root!  Celebrate humanity…all its differences, all its imperfections, all its love.

Think with heart – not with hate.

Later Hater

Chick Hughes

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” ~  Marie Curie